Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Lil' Miss Blue Eyes, Life with the Jansen's

The boys are playing a made up game called Cats and Rats. They try to toss underwear up on our hanging light fixture that hangs on the higher ceiling above our staircase. They laugh, holler, scream... Merit just came to me telling me they have been disqualified. Their dad told them Cats and Rats had gotten TOO LOUD!
These boys!
I made Pear Butter today... oh my goodness yum!
Vance and I tried to write our will yesterday. I am still
emotionally exhausted. NO one could ever love these kids like we do... I know this is how every parent (almost every parent) feels about their children... but oh my.
Also, it is very real to me that people die. Both my mom and my nephew Case died without any warning. Completely healthy and then gone... so I need to be realistic. It is responsible to plan for what would happen if I were no longer here.
Natasha is such an inspiration to me as she continues to allow God to heal her as they miss Case deeply. She finds JOY in life and is such a loving, kind, reasonable, responsible person.
Reese, Natasha and Lane are remarkable and I thank God for that.
I feel very misunderstood since Case's death. I can't imagine how Natasha and Reese must feel at times. Also, people say really strange things sometimes and it is hard at times to let those things go. But there has been a great deal of support and love shown too. Many people expect one to get over the loss of a loved one soon... no one wants a "downer" for a friend, mom, niece, wife... you get the picture. Funny, I didn't mention sister... that is one thing that is fabulous about my siblings. I think they would still spend time with me even if I were a "downer"
Really I should stop now, because I am usually the girl who just kind of smiles through the frustration or sadness. I have so much to be thankful for and can usually remain positive. My smile is fading a bit today however... poor Willem had a crying UNO partner earlier this afternoon. He asked if I needed to take a break and rest on the couch for a bit!! But I am certain tomorrow will be a better day.
I am loving these kids and am "running" a lot. I am tired at times, but mostly it feels really good.  Tomorrow I will get a much
needed chunk of exercise and try to introduce a healthier diet. Today I had coffee, coffee and more coffee and ate some of the kids meal scraps... oh yeah and I sampled the Pear Butter!
Hazel has been sleeping good at night. This is a huge blessing.

Hazel is taking STEPS!!!

Hazel, I'm girl crazy cause of you.
I love you sweetie.


Maria said...

Wow, I feel so bad now. You have been on my mind all day and yet I dismissed the thought to call you up at least once or twice today. :( Know that you were prayed for though. May God lighten those "tough days" and what a reminder for me as friend to always listen to God's promptings.

Lesha said...

Hazel is taking steps, what a fun age, does it seem like she was just born? Upbeat you are. I think I have had too many times lately on the phone talking about myself. It is your turn now! Call me and I will listen (as long as there aren't kids screaming in the background) I promise. I hope Vance is being very supportive since he is probably the only adult you see everyday. Hope to hear from you soon. Wish we weren't so far away from eachother. Love ya

the story of my life... said...

Your boys crack me up! I will say a prayer for you today..being a wife/mom/sister is hard...

Jodi said...

It takes courage to make a will but it is the smart thing to do. Hang in there. Your pictures and kids are beautiful!!

Anonymous said...

The pictures of Hazel are so cute! Sorry to hear that you are struggling! Praying things are better for you soon! Bryan and I have also been discussing a will but without kids we just aren't sure what to do. So we will wait a little longer to figure things out.