I am so looking forward to a visit from my sister Natasha, her husband Reese and their sweet son Lane. I have had a bit of a pity party for myself yesterday and today and believe a visit from their family will be of good cheer and lots of laughs.
First thing this morning I was really down in the dumps and tried to blog about it... but kept losing my internet connection... I think God was telling me that brutal honesty on a "public blog" can be dangerous. So maybe this entry won't be written in haste through tears, but just as a healthy journal entry.
I miss my mom, I miss being someone's daughter. My dad is intelligent, fun and a bit of a comedian. He is a
friend to all five of us kids...finally. Many years with him have not been the easiest. It is a blessing to think that at this stage of our lives myself and my four siblings enjoy our dad's company and are glad to have him as a friend. For this I am thankful. The relationship with my dad is tricky. Because when my mom was living she was so approachable, so forgiving, easy to talk to, prayerful, loving, fun.... I really could go on and on. We always went to her. All five of us shared our joys, struggles, challenges and accomplishments with our mom. Our dad was working, our dad was busy, our dad was much less approachable. So, when we lost her it was like losing the involved parent, the parent who had invested so much in us and we in her.
All around me are fabulous relationships between mothers and their adult daughters. Most of the time this makes me happy. I encourage my friends to treasure their sweet, precious gift - their mother. But this week, I am envious, I am sad. I wish my grandma had her daughter. I wish my dad had his wife. I WISH my boys had my mom for a grandma. I wish my siblings had her here. I throw myself a pity party.
I have so much to be grateful for, don't get me wrong. And in general I am a very positive person. But rather than closing this entry with all the things I am thankful for and how great my life is, I will close it with one sentence - I miss my mom.