An Attitude of Gratitude

Yesterday I had a day of some whys.

Many involving my mom.
It was the anniversary of her death so I let myself go there.

Some involving Case. WHY did Hazel's cousin closest in age leave this world. It changed things. Heartache lingers. Loss causes a void. Why do Tasha and Reese have to have this emptiness? Why do my sisters have the heart condition our mom had?
Why do we not have our mom's advice, laughter, helpful ways, guidance?

Why is my mom not here making memories with us? Why can't I share these awesome kids with her?

Why do I sometimes feel jealous?

Why do I sleep poorly at night, head spinning?

Today was a day of goodness, greatness, laughter, a day of LEARNING, more things beautiful, more things right - 

But, I was also looking for those things.


20 kindergarteners can leave a positive impact
I stopped feeling sad and asking God the same whys I have before.
The classroom was too busy to ponder or feel melancholy.
I read my FAVORITE books. I listened to emerging readers. I interacted with friendly adults. Hazel joined me for lunch. It was a pure JOY to watch all these kids during CHOICE time! Working together, playing, talking, problem solving!
THANK a kindergarten teacher! It would be exhausting to do this day in and day out.

Tonight I get to take a beautiful girl's senior pictures!


TEACHING, outdoor time with my family, photography, tomorrow I get all morning with Oren....

Also during a quiet moment today - there were only a couple :-) - I became keenly aware again of the importance of praying over all my concerns and praying for the people in my life.

I still have the whys. But I still have the blessings.
I am not embarrassed that I have become more of an introvert. Conversation with large groups exhausts me. Except in the classroom - it refreshes me. Yes, it is tiring but it is important and meaningful. I am working hard at being a good mom. So far from perfect, but thankful that I want to be the best I can be. My family is so important. I strive to encourage them. I am so thankful for them! I am thankful for God's grace.

AN ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE.
I am not always good at this but I strive to be! 

My friend Maria!! 

she is so kind to always remember March 25 and that yellow roses were my mom's favorite!

 today's eggs! Our first green one of the season!!

spring blooms