March 25

 March 25th, 16 years ago, was a day I will never forget. It robbed me of an innocence. It was the last day I visited with my mom. The beginning of spring, where new life and fresh starts often surround us, but all of that was changed - forever changed - because of what happened that day. Heaven certainly gained an angel. Maybe I take so many pictures because I know every moment matters. I know we aren't promised tomorrow. I don't like to know that, but it has given me an appreciation that maybe some lack. And I think I focus on time well spent, love shared and making the most of each day.

My grandma has lost two daughters. She lost Laurie when Laurie was 16 and my mom at 45. 

She still finds joy and she is an example of dignity and kindess even though she misses her daughters, her husband and many others, very much. Sometimes when we are asked to press forward the journey feels hard and lonely, but Jesus walks with us. My grandma is a wonderful example of God's grace.

 These four siblings of mine are people who I can totally be myself with. They are so fun to be around and to laugh with.
I appreciate them all so much!! I get glimpses of my mom through all of these dear people!
(Natasha was pregnant with Estelle here)

 My mom, far right. Homecoming!

 This card from my mom, the one with the little girl on the swing, is a card I have read so many times. My mom didn't love to write, so when I got a card or letter from her it was so special!

My mom at Target

 All so dear!

My mom and dad on our wedding day!! 

I wish my mom could hug our babies. I wish she had the chance to be a grandma.I wish my sisters still had their mom.  So many grandparents tell me, "this grandparent thing is where it's at" or "You get to spoil them and send them home!" I hope I get to be a grandma some day! But, we press forward and we feel thankful for the memories, for her constant love as we were growing up and for her love for Jesus. The longing doesn't stop, but we find a new normal and we remember every moment matters.